Becoming A Character in The Story

    A young vampire slayer once said, "The hardest thing about this world is to live in it it. Be brave. Live." I'm not going to claim that I'm the biggest "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" fan out there, but I will say this is a line that has stuck with me and many others. A few weeks ago, I discussed Seussical the Musical, and specifically talked about my interest in The Cat in the Hat as a character, as well as The Narrator from Into the Woods. What do these two characters have in common though? It's not too hard to figure out, since one of the two is literally called "The Narrator," but they narrate the story. They exist out of the confines of the show, and jump in whenever a character is needed for plot development or to explain what a character is feeling, but (for the most part) they don't have a part to play. 

    I think part of why I'm so fascinated by these characters, and even wrote a story where the main character discovers a purpose in telling the stories of others, instead of living one himself, is because I've been nervous about the alternative. There's something beautiful about that existence, but it's also a sad and lonely life. The Pandemic time was tough for all of us, and I felt like I was heading in this path. Maybe my life was more meant to be in service of others and help someone else's story carry on, even just as an observer. I didn't feel like I was truly one character, or that I had a role to play. Through the past few years now, I've found my perception shifting a bit. I view myself more as a side character, where I still help others, but I'm able to live out my own role within that setting. I've been working with the youth group at my church for almost a year now, and in that, I think I've found inspiration enough to determine a part of my own. It's such an honor to support these extraordinary young people as they start to figure out their lives, and deal with the issues and complicated emotions that come with growing up, especially during these teenage years. While I'm still definitely in the process of figuring out exactly what I'm doing with this, something feels like I'm doing something important and right, if not for myself, then at least for the good of these young people.

    In the show Wicked (sorry to push so much into musical theatre today), Elphaba begins her show-stopping number, "Defying Gravity," by explaining a similar perspective shift. "Something has changed within me," she says, "something is not the same." I, like the iconic protagonist, am tired of doubting and hiding the deeper thoughts of myself. Thanks to a group of very special people that I'm so glad to call my friends, I'm taking risks that I never used to take, and gaining more confidence in myself and my abilities than I have had in a long time. There's something for me to do here, and while I'm not even sure what it is yet, I feel like there is definitely a place for me. There's something that I can contribute, maybe even something that can expand my writing beyond what I've been doing.

    I'm not saying that "A Self-Proclaimed Dreamer" is going to change completely, everything will be the same, and I have always taken pride in being able to establish something of my own style, even if they're just to go into these reviews of different things. I'm always hoping that I can communicate just why certain things are interesting and worthwhile to me, and why I hope someone else will find something that they like too. I am saying that I do have lots of thoughts beyond just the things that I enjoy, and will begin to focus on some thoughts that my friends are interested in hearing. It has taken a while to get here, but I'm taking steps to leave the lonely and safe life of the lonely narrator behind and live in the world that cares about what character I'm ready to play.

    Something that I've discovered recently, and something that I've told others much more easily than I've believed for myself, we all have some role to play. It's hard to believe sometimes, that you have something that can be used to help others, but you do. All of us have a story to share, and none of us are the same, so in a world with so many billions of people, there are just as many stories. While I'm making this dramatic statement about not being a narrator anymore, we all play a variety of different roles in our interweaving stories. We are all narrators, and side characters, and main characters, and even villains every now and then. It's hard to accept, but we are all able to do so much more than we think. As I close this rambling piece, I feel like it would be wrong of me to have such a discussion about identity without quoting Matt Smith's Doctor from Doctor Who, especially as he's preparing to regenerate. "We all change, when you think about it. We're all different people all throughout our lives. That's okay, that's good, it's important to keep moving as long as we all remember the people that we used to be. I won't forget one line of this, not one day. I will always remember when the Doctor was me." Friends, things are hard. Life is hard, but remember to keep moving forward, and remember how far you've come. I'm proud of you and all of the things that you're achieving, and for the first time in a while, I'm proud of me too.

    Thanks so much for reading this post, friends. I know there was a whole lot of rambling in there, but I'm beginning to take some really interesting life steps. Please forgive this piece of self-indulgent fluff, but I hope it will help someone else think about life through a slightly different lens. I hope you're all doing well, and thanks again for all of the kindness and support that you've sent my way. Until next time, I'm Jonathan, a Self-Proclaimed Dreamer, and I hope you'll join me as we all take steps towards our best selves together.