Who are the voices in your head? (Thoughts on Up Here)

     Hey friends, I have a bit of a question for you all. Do you have voices in your heads? The little things that dictate what should and shouldn't be done, based on how different events in your life have played out? It's an interesting way to personify different impulses that we as people continue to have as we go through our lives, and it's what a little show that I just watched recently is based on. "Up Here" is a musical comedy show that's streaming on Hulu now. There are only 8 episodes, but it's rare that something speaks to me in a way that this short show does. It's a weird show about trying to find your place and learn how to get somewhere, as well as how to navigate a relationship. If you know me, you already know that I have a tendency to overthink to the point of not going anywhere until I've thoroughly driven a point into the ground, and by then, any sort of opportunity has typically passed. If you're a fellow over-thinker like me, I would definitely suggest this show for you, although I wouldn't suggest it for my younger readers, since the show is definitely more adult in themes. Let's get into it today by pressing the rewind button and going back to the year 1999.

"Can I ever know you?"

    The story of "Up Here" follows Lindsey (Mae Whitman) and Miguel (Carlos Valdes) as they're working on getting their lives together in the year 1999. Lindsey is dating a guy (who she has been clearly dating for a while) and she realizes that she doesn't love him, even though she knows almost everything about his routine and how he feels about certain things. The voices in her head (which are her Mom, her Dad, and her best friend from when she was 9) tell her that she should stay with him because it's safe and everything would be so much easier if she just stayed with him instead of doing something "irrational." Lindsey gets an award from a short story that she submitted for a contest and decides that she wants to follow her lifelong dream of being a writer, even though she doesn't really know if she can do that. She follows the sign of the won award and moves to New York City, dumping her boyfriend in the process. Lindsey doesn't know what she'll find there, but she feels like it's time to ignore these voices in her head and try to live a life that she'll enjoy, despite the nagging of these inner voices.

    Miguel is a very different character, he's involved with big business, and though he doesn't really find enjoyment in it, he is trying to fool himself into enjoying this big shot life that he's being coached through by the voices in his head (being his mom, an ex girlfriend, and a guy that one of his exes cheated on him with). The voice of the guy is the main one telling him to get involved in business, because when he was cheated on, it felt like it was because he was following artistic projects (in this case, making a video game with some friends) while this other guy looked like a successful businessman. As such, his introduction is through a musical number talking about how he's "a tiger, or a shark, or maybe a tiger shark," in a sort of Rocky-esque montage. He's definitely the low man on the totem pole, and his co-workers all take advantage of him, even though he's much smarter than a lot of them (as the voice of his mother will be quick to tell a viewer of the show).

    It's hard to talk about this show without getting into spoiler (or mature) territory, but they meet at a club, and the vast majority of the show deals with the relationship between these two characters. Both of them are shown to overthink things, and the voices in their head are telling them not to trust the other, since they're just meeting. It can be hard to tune out the voices in your head, especially when they're getting in the way of the life you want to live, but it can also lead to some real breakthroughs in the kinds of relationships you want and the career that you want. It's important to listen to something inside yourself, but the insecurities or even unhelpful behaviors impressed upon you by others may not always be helpful, like in the case of this show. The main trouble that Lindsey and Miguel's relationship comes through is when they listen too much to the voices in their heads, or even when a voice resurfaces after a few years, as they do from time to time. The show does a good job of trying to establish a balance between safe and dangerous, with Lindsey leaving her boyfriend at the beginning because he does the same thing every day, then the relationship that she finds being a bit bumpy. She's just meeting Miguel, who doesn't open up very easily to her, and vis versa. It can be a tricky balance for sure, as is any kind of relationship, I think.

    The bit that I found to be so relatable I think is more related to Lindsey's character. She is working on feeling less scared and more true to herself, she's tired of being the timid girl who has a silly dream that can never happen, tired of being scared of what the world thinks of her, and tired of worrying about if she's a good person. One of my favorite songs in this show is called "Please Like Me," and I can't give the exact context of it, because it goes into spoiler territory, but it's essentially about her not wanting her ex-boyfriend to hate her, even though she did leave him all of a sudden. It's a very fun sounding piece, but it's heartbreaking if you listen to what she's saying, especially the line where she says, "I need you to like me, so that I can believe I'm good." It's a really tough sentiment, and like that, it can be a tough show to watch at times. You're rooting for both of our characters to get out of their heads a bit more and make good decisions without the self sabotage, but it doesn't always happen that way.

    It would be wrong of me to not mention the music written by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez, who you may know as the musical team behind Frozen, as well as many other Broadway shows. The music is really good for the most part, leaning into their strong suit, which is comedy on top of really beautiful melodies and complicated feelings. The music does a great job of scoring exactly what Lindsey and Miguel are feeling at whatever moment, sometimes realizing that Lindsey wants to be a character in her story, not just something that she witnesses from the outside (ouch, that felt personal). Sometimes Miguel is trying to keep his feelings in check, denying that he's in love despite the musical number happening all around him. Sometimes one of their greatest fears comes to life in song, you never know what the next tune is going to be about. It's such a strange series, but because of the sometimes over the top nature of it, it does feel a bit more realistic, as Stanley Kubrick once said. It should be said that this whole series is based on a Broadway show of the same name which came out in 2015, which makes sense given the number of people from Broadway that appear in it, and the aforementioned Broadway talent that wrote the music.

    I'm going to wrap this post up here before I get any more up in my head, but the main theme of the show is stated pretty simply in the theme song before every episode. You never know what is going on in someone's head, and therefore you can never fully know someone. That can be hard to hear and comprehend, but it's part of what makes relationships special. You'll never know how someone will react to something that is said, whether it's taken from a different context that wasn't intended, some background issue that reminds them of a past memory, or what. It's weird but beautiful when you're able to make something work despite whatever differences you may have. I definitely would recommend this show to people if it wasn't for the mature themes and language issues, but if you're a little bit older and willing to look past some of it, I think you'd really enjoy watching "Up Here." Sometimes you don't know how to put things into words that make perfect sense in your head, or you feel like you're too weird or too different from everyone else, but everyone has their own things going on, that just makes you special. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    Thanks so much for reading this post, friends. I hope I didn't open up too much while talking about this show. I really don't like to "be seen" a lot, but I felt like it handled a lot of potentially delicate material with humor and an interesting perspective. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this show if you've seen it, I just have heard no one talk about it before now, and I had to talk about it a bit today. Thanks for all the support as always, and I'll talk to you again soon. Until next time, I'm Jonathan, a Self-Proclaimed Dreamer, and I sincerely hope you're happy with who and where you are.